20.

 April 3, 2021

In My Head

What happened to my dreams? 

What happened to my imagination? 

I used to lay awake but asleep for hours

Just dreaming

Creating

Living in a world so far different from mine 

That brought forward so many amazing worlds 

To many interesting characters to count 

Now I just fall asleep 

I can’t stay awake and think of those worlds anymore 

The world around me has sucked the imagination from my mind,

Or am I just too tired to create those things anymore? 

I don’t want to lose those worlds 

I love those far more than the current one

Losing my imagination was always one of my biggest fears 

I thrived on that all through my childhood 

It held me together through my teen years 

And now I worry I’m losing it as a young adult in this bland hell hole of the present. 

I can’t live in a world where there is no color 

I can barely function in it 

In real life, I’m antisocial and awkward

In my head, I’m outspoken and outgoing 

In real life, I don’t talk to many people and have few friends 

In my head, the ones I know are many and dear to me 

Being the person inside my head is not as easy as just “being that person” 

There is years upon years of walls and solitude that have created the person seen in the real world 

Being the person I want to be isn’t just a “get up and do it” thing 

You can’t just “get up and do” something that is unattainable to someone like me 

People scare me (and for good reason if you take just one look at the state of planet) 

I can’t stand most of the people around me for reasons of annoyance 

And the home I live in feels like a prison, yet the outside world gives me anxiety that can not be explained 

My life is truly “... much more interesting inside my head” 

But I’m scared that it will disappear without my control 

And I’ll be left to a world where I don’t feel comfortable 

Where I don’t fit in 

And where I don’t want to be