17.

 September 16, 2020

I wanna slam my head into a wall

I wanna slam my head into a wall 

It’s not new

It’s not random

It’s a multiple times a week feeling 

I’m annoyed with everything 

Tired of all the bullshit 

I don’t want to be here 

I don’t want to live here 

Living is becoming more and more suffocating to me 

Existing in this world is becoming more and more suffocating to me 

This place is only described as hell 

I'm convinced that this city was personally created by Satan himself 

This house was made to be my prison 

And a place where all the darkness inside me thrives 

I don’t enjoy this 

I don’t enjoy life 

My only happiness can be found elsewhere 

At work 

With my few friends

Who I can’t see anyway 

And in the one place I wish to go back 

I wanna get out 

I wanna be in the peace and quiet 

I wanna be with my animals 

With my open space 

With my room to fucking breathe

I want to fucking breathe 

I want to fucking feel something other than darkness 

I want to feel something other than pain 

I want to feel like how life was before 

But it’s never gonna go back there 

I’m doomed to live in this hell 

I’m doomed to surfer with people 

And houses 

And environments

That don’t feel like things to me 

Nothing feels like anything to me