13.

October 24, 2019

I'm Fine

I’m fine 

It’s become such a part of my daily speech I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be it 

To be fine 

To not lie to the face of everyone I encounter 

To not worry about the flood of tears hidden behind my eyes

Doomed to erupt at any moment without control or consent 

I want to be fine 

I want to not feel like every second of everyday I scramble through life in a fog 

A dense, ever thickening fog

Draining the air from my lungs

Stumbling in the darkness never to find the light 

Every step I take sets me back ten more

There’s no use in turning around and cheating

I’m so far from the start that it’s become useless to even try  

I want to feel happy and excited about my life 

Not dreading every day to come 

I want to stop feeling like swimming up for air 

Is doing nothing but dragging me down further

I want to go back to when my life was good

Before I lied everyday about how I was feeling 

Before I put on a fake smile for every person I encountered

I want to go back to the days where saying I’m fine 

Meant I’m fine