12.

 October 24, 2019

the curse of my birthday 

It’s back 

The darkness is back 

The need to sit in a dark room and cry has returned 

The need to nothing but wallow in sorrows 

I wanted nothing more than to spend the weekend with my friends 

To enjoy their company 

To celebrate my 21st birthday 

But the curse has reared its ugly head again

The curse that brought about many dark times on my birthday 

It never fails 

It comes in the form of weather normally 

But this year it wants to curse me this way 

It wants me to sit alone in a dark room 

Crying for friendship and company 

It wants me to see just how lonely I am 

To force me to see that I have no control 

And everything in my life is doomed to be destroyed in a flood of tears 

I hate my birthday 

I hate it with a passion now 

I used to wonder why people hated their birthdays 

But I get it now 

It means nothing more than another year of pain 

Of stress and mental breakdowns 

Of tears and sorrow

Of loneliness

I don’t want to celebrate my birthdays anymore 

I don’t want to deal with this curse anymore 

I don’t want to feel so sad and lonely anymore 

I don’t want the darkness to swallow me up for the millionth time again 

Although I can see it already has 

And there’s no coming back from this drowning now